Chessywessywessy (reserved only for Geeta)
Chestaaahhh (when we are being posh gits in the park, this nickname is now used with caution)
However you will most frequently you will hear: 'Chessy off' - the most overused phrase in the Bhatia household. Used at least 10 times a minute when encouraging our little chap to not eat the Aga, to not eat the rug, to not eat the wall, to not eat shoes, to not hump his bed, to not hump his teddy (disturbing to Annie, hilarious to Ashwin). A pattern quite quickly has formed - he likes to eat, a true indication that he is indeed a Bhatia.
There had been an ongoing discussion (which inevitably has lead to many arguments) as to which dog to we would eventually get as our family pet. When we were younger we lived in an idyllic little cottage, that was of course far too small for two normal sized children and one chubby child. But it was beautiful and I loved it (we wont go into the dramatics that occurred when I was forced to leave, but I shall just say that I left with all the doorknobs in my rucksack - because according to an 8 year old this is how to stop people coming into your house). Next door to us there were two dogs: one was called Mini and she was a snooty little Shitzu that would have nothing to do with the village riff raff and spent all her time with her little nose in the air. The other dog was called Chelsea and he was the complete opposite - a big friendly labrador that loved us way more than his owners...because we fed him more. Every morning I would put bird feed out for all my little bird friends (shockingly I did actually have real friends too) and Chelsea would bound along and eat it. I would put bread out in the morning and Chelsea would bound along and eat it; BBB would come back from a boozy session at the Squash Club vom in the garden... and Chelsea would bound along and eat it.
Ashwin was constantly confused as to whether Chelsea was a horse or a dog and spent many hours trying to climb on his back to get a ride around the garden.
I imagine if I had the same affliction there would be little left to Chelsea, this springs to mind.
And so as much as we loved chelsea we decided that if were to have a dog it wouldn't be a labrador, because they love food too much and people would definitely judge us if we were the fat family with the fat dog. So in a (not so) clever twist we went for a golden retriever instead of a labrador - just as greedy, just as big, just more hair. Good one. But he is so beautiful and cuddly and lovely that who cares that he tries to eat everything - I have had the same issues since birth and look how good I turned out.
I used to really dislike those people on facebook and instagram that constantly uploaded pictures of their pets. Didn't they have better things to fill their IG with like food and Ryan Gosling memes and inspirational Beyonce quotes?! (Obviously I think my IG is exemplary). But the truth is I am now an IG pet wanker too, and I can't stop. If I'm not liking pictures of pugs in fancy dress, I'm deciding which of my thousands of photos of Chester to upload that I haven't already. Help needed. Oh, just incase you hadn't seen them slapped on all social media feeds - here's just a few of my favourite.
He is in equal measures cute as he is naughty. People have said that pets are meant to fit in around your family, not in this house. It is all about Chester. There is a rota as to who must wake up at 6am to let him out to pee, there is a constant fight as to who is Chester's favourite (which despite Annie's efforts isn't determined on who gives him the most amount of treats), there is a battle to get BBB and Ashwin to pick up his hideous poos and there is a constant struggle to try and save any flowers in the garden. Chester well and truly rules the roost.
But I wouldn't have him any other way. For more updates on Chester please check Insta DAILY.
Fatty BB xxx